1972 ST Clone

[BILLY BEAN]

Great news Kirk. Falling in Love with the car again then.! Dare you to take it to Le Mans. ?

Dave,
Not love. More like a first date with someone you have known for a while. No chance of a holiday together at this stage of the relationship.

[stretch]

Kirk, you could make a decent living on the OAP comedy circuit if you get bored of Holiday's.

[Bootsy]

Very true, a Billy Bean update is always a winner

[BILLY BEAN]

Very true, a Billy Bean update is always a winner

That is very kind of you Bootsy. I would send you a kiss but I am afraid of Keith's reaction.

[BILLY BEAN]

Retour. So far.
Another cock up by me. This should be in my 1970 S thread not here. Ah well.

I posted my little jaunt of 746 miles down to Cannes on the Le Mans Live thread but decided to relate the return journey on here as it concerns the 1970 S.
First off the awol passport. A temporary passport was obtained from the British Consulate in Marseilles. A two hour train ride from Cannes.

As can be seen from the image the Consulate were extremely considerate in providing a passport the same colour of the car. It helps lessen the cost of of the £125 or a passport to get me back to Blighty.
So today up at 6.00am to leave Cannes after a restless night and four hours sleep. Not ideal preparation but I have been apprehensive about the return journey.Confident the driver could make it but unsure about the car.

The return journey would be broken up with an overnight stay. The first leg being 496 miles to Bourges and an Ibis Styles with supposedly secure parking.
Set the satnav but ignore the instructions as I know a better way to get to the A8 without going through the town. The idea of setting off early was to get a couple of hours in before temperatures increased. The forecast was for 18 degrees initially. However, the forecast must have been produced by the French equivalent of Michael Fish. You will have to be a certain age to understand the reference. It was already hot. Queue to get onto the motorway. Not a good start. Very busy with trucks almost all artics. This road is three lanes at least so trucks should be less of an issue. Wrong of course. First long incline and one artic doing 58mph being overtaken by another doing 58.1mph and a knackered box van attempting to overtake both artics. It was a pattern destined to be completed. Settled into a 70mph as this seems less tough on the car. The first 150 miles takes two hours. It will not last at this pace. All goes well to the first fuel in water out stop. No drama. Petrol pump straight forward and toilet easy to find. Take on board 29 litres and leave behind about a litre. A little bit of me forever in the French sewage system. Each stop costs around 15 minutes. Recon on three stops so 45 minutes lost on the journey.
South of Montelimar I am greeted by wind. Passing trucks is interesting as it shelters the car sometimes from the cross winds then as you pass the large vehicle you are hit by the wind. Causes occasional consternation. Hopefully the wind will abate. Nope. 40 miles of this. Articulated trucks appear like a male dancer with snake hips from Strictly. Artics squirming in the cross winds.
The route was to avoid Lyon as it is a low emissions zone and there are usually lots of police and often there are traffic jams . So head off towards Clement Fr on some two lane road with a speed limit of 55mph. Take a wrong turn and lose 7 minutes. The satnav is a bit small for my aging vision so cock-ups are inevitable. It has voice instructions but the combination of crap hearing and a noisy cabin means the nice man is wasting his time telling me where to turn. Still I curse myself. Eventually hit a faster route for at least 5 minutes. Traffic comes to a standstill. 49 minutes to cover 3.5 miles. Bugger!. Temperatures is now in the high 20's and I start to muse if the S has the ability to keep its cool in the standstill. At 70mph the temperature sits comfortably a tad below 180. Climbs to around 190 standing still now. The S, for those that don't, know has a single under front wing oil cooler to supplement the usual engine one. However, it is only really efficient when the car is moving. At a standstill. Eventually get past the three lanes into one and get up to speed but only for a while. Two lanes into one and speed restriction of 55 mph. Ten miles of this and have time to count the traffic cones. Beatifully and regularly spaced. Is there any actual work going on? Dont be silly. I have been trying to keep to the legal limits as I had my 'picture taken' twice on the journey down to the south of France. Clear the cones after about 30 miles then hit a two lane motorway that travels up to 1000 metres elevation and down then up and down and curving between hills and into valleys. What a spectacular road....for a motorway. Good news too is that there are few trucks and taffic is light. Quite enjoy myself. Care is needed because the wind is back and the curves on this road are much tighter than you get in the UK and at 80mph I decide to slow a little.
Two more fuel stops and relief visits go well although one fuel station was some distance off the motorway so cost extra time and the pissoir was a bit hard to find. Possibly because I was desperate and getting a little weary. Finally get to the overnight stop but it is only 3.00pm. Total time taken 8 hours.

The hotel is just a mile from the motorway and is air-conditioned and quiet.
Spend time trying to figure out a way of avoiding Rouen to get to my final destination of Dieppe Ferry. Consult my mates in Cars and Cabbages. ( don't ask) Darren helpfully responds. The rest are either making food jokes or asking about the forthcoming DDK weekend.

Sent from my SM-S921B using Tapatalk

[BILLY BEAN]

Retour. So far.
Another cock up by me.

[jb]

To be sure to be sure i do love your posts
An epic trip described with love

[BILLY BEAN]

To be sure to be sure i do love your posts
An epic trip described with love

Thanks JB. It would be better if I posted it in the correct place though.

[Lightweight_911]

.

Aaah - but it keeps us on our toes & lets you know if anyone is reading your anecdotes ...

Incidentally, I wasn't aware of the lesser known Fish brother - I remember Michael Fish & his meteorological blunders but I can't say I recollect 'Birt' ...

.

[BILLY BEAN]

.

Aaah - but it keeps us on our toes & lets you know if anyone is reading your anecdotes ...

Incidentally, I wasn't aware of the lesser known Fish brother - I remember Michael Fish & his meteorological blunders but I can't say I recollect 'Birt' ...

.

Well spotted Andy. Your knowledge and memory for all things is superb. You are quite correct it was Michael Fish. Thanks for reading my scribble.
Kirk

[BILLY BEAN]

The Retour Part 2. Still in the wrong thread but I might as well be consistent.
So got up at 5.15 am after fitful sleep. Plan to leave by 6.00am.Still thinking about the possibilities of a breakdown. Not by me but the car. Cogitate on what was refreshed more than 12 years ago on the car. Which bits could potentially break? Fuel pump is original so is the CDI box. And no spare fan belt either. Would the tiny engine oil leak suddenly get worse? Stop it! Not usually given to worries except when using an old Porsche.
Have breakfast. I use the term sparingly. Cup of hot chocolate and a piece of bread and jam. Ibis do have a good selection of pastries, cheese, charcuterie etc but my stomach says absolutely not. And why hot chocolate? Have not been able to drink coffee or tea for 7 years since the caffeine does strange things to my sense of balance.
Get the bags and a few other bits in the car. Mount the TomTom start the engine first turn of the key. Put in Darren's suggestion for the first stage of the journey and poop. Heads to Paris. No good. Clean air zone and a bugger to navigate the Perifique. Try something else; heads for Rouen. Again trying to avoid the place. Minor panick as I want to get moving. Set Le Mans. Weather is overcast and for once cool. No need to apply the Mexican air con. Hopefully no Mexicans reading this as I don't want trouble. The autoroute is a quarter of a mile away. On it and settle at 60mph until the oil gets up to temp then 70ish thereafter. Hardly, a car on the road for two hours and few trucks. Wonderful. First fuel stop without a hitch but realise on the route I am taking there are few fuel stations. Get to Le Mans Sud turn off the Autoroute to re set Tom and relieve pressure. Great just the other side of the Peage a pull in and toilet. Happy to see the loo sign but not so happy when I enter but needs must. Smells like someone died in the place so can't wait to get out.
Set satnav to Rogerville which takes me out of harms way . Well away from Paris and Rouen.
Rejoin the Autoroute. Still little traffic in marked contrsts to the leg from Cannes to Bourges. So few cars and trucks I imagine an alien species has landed and removed them. Mad or what?
Still overcast and starts to drizzle. No problem. Few other vehicles so spray not an issue. The cones start to appear as does the lower speed limit to accompany them. Rain gets heavier. Getting close to Rogerville which got is name in Norman times because of all the promiscuity that went on there. When the UK was invaded by William he thought the English had base sexual morals so called that, as a joke, rogering. Off the A13 onto a D road heading towards Le Havre. A bridge over the river and finally onto another Autoroute. Pull into the lane for my little electronic device to work and zip. Nowt. Nothing. Gingerly reverse out of the lane careful not to modify the bodywork on the concrete and steel barriers. Try the next lane. Get offered a ticket by the machine. Slowly roll down the window to take the ticket and it goes back into the machine and surprise the barrier moves up.
Get to Dieppe Ferry at 12.00. It's taken 6 hours to get here. Ferry sails at 6.00pm. Find a place to eat. Looks like a bit of a transport cafe. Packed with local oldies and tradesmen on their lunch break. Serve yourself buffet for first course. Small plates to inhibit greediness. Produce varied and fresh. Main course steak, boild spud ( big enough to win a prize at a veg show) and green beans. I pass on the pudding and the glass of wine. All in 18 euros. Sit in the car and send emails and WhatsApp messages to my loved ones and my wife and a couple of mates. Make a list of things I need to get sorted on the car. Snooze a bit.
Pass through passport control and the guy looks at my nice blue passport and asks where is the real one. Give an explanation in my pidgin French. Get through only to be stopped by three black clad men who are inspecting the inside of cars. The biggest bloke stands at the back of my car and says open the boot. I oblige. He stares at the engine. The other two guys pi55 themselves laughing. I don't even smile. I point to the actual boot and open it up. Looks at various tool rolls but does not look at the £10k drugs in the smugglers box.
Ferry loads late. A bad omen.
Get to Newhaven. Takes 45 minutes to get my car off after the trucks. Get stuck behind a LHD truck doing 40 for miles. Onto A27. Cones and one lane with restricted speed. Deja Vue. Road to M25. More cones and single lane. Ignore the speed restrictions. I want to get home. Just onto M25 and junction 8 to 9 CLOSED! NO! Shuffle up a slip road on the A217. Haven't a clue where I am. Fuel below my self imposed 50% tank capacity rule. Pull into a petrol station. Guy asks about the car. I ask him where we are and how do I get back onto the M25. He says follow me. Takes us through miles of narrow twisty roads till eventually back on the M25 and.......more bloody cones, single lane and 40mph "to protect" the non existent "work force:".
Several sections of a few miles each like this. Swearing starts to relieve the frustration and only stops after exiting the last restriction. What a lovely feeling no more hold ups. Pass Heathrow turn at speed which is unusual as it is more akin to a parking lot than a road most times. Start to realise how poor UK motorways surfaces are compared to the French equivalent.
Bouncing this way and that but pleased that the M40 is in sight and a clear run towards Oxford. Just like a pantomine. Oh no it isn't. More cones and single lane and come to a complete stop. Two long sections like this. Someone is having a laugh at my expense.At least it isn't raining I think. And no it wasn't. Get home at 12.35am. The de tour and 'road works cost me 35 minutes.
Not tired at all so put the outside lights on to inspect the rear garden not watered for two weeks. Good news a jungle not a desert. Do a bit of watering and fish hair weed out of the pond; as you do. Still not tired. Finally get to bed at 3.00am. Set the alarm for 7.00 am.
Lie in bed and reflect on the 1050 miles covered from Cannes to home. The car is good and didn't let me down. Just shows what a usable machine an early 911 is and how nuts I am fior the undertaking.

[sladey]

Thanks Kirk - what a lovely write-up - feel like we were there with you and can relate to all the mixed emotions and constant swearing.

[911hillclimber]

Epic!
What a game you have had. Hope this weekend will ease everything.

[BILLY BEAN]

Thanks Kirk - what a lovely write-up - feel like we were there with you and can relate to all the mixed emotions and constant swearing.

Thank you fir your kind words. Hopefully see you tomorrow at C&M?

[BILLY BEAN]

Epic!
What a game you have had. Hope this weekend will ease everything.
[/quotGraham, the return to the UK roads was a bit of a pain but ultimately I got back safe and so did the car.
Tomorrow I am giving the S a rest and use the ST replica.